Stay at home moms: What's the big deal?

When I was still working outside the home I thought that stay at home moms really had it easy. After all, I managed to do all the same things they did like laundry and keeping the house clean (or at least relatively so) AND work 40 hours a week. It seemed like a pretty sweet deal...stay home all day in your pj's, play with the kids, watch tons of Netflix and cook a fabulous dinner every night. The house would always be clean so the weekends would be free for having fun as a family and I wouldn't have the stress of lesson plans and grading tests. Dream job, right? I didn't go back to work after my son was born and my dream came true! Or so I thought...

My oldest is now 2.5 and my second is 8 months and I can honestly say it's been the hardest 8 months of my life. I finally get what all the SAHM fuss is all about. I was confused in thinking it had anything whatsoever to do with laundry. The stress of staying home with your kids does not come from the number of tasks you get checked off the to-do list and neither does the satisfaction. It's the emotional side that doesn't usually get talked about. It's being there 100% for every need your children have. It's trying to nurse the baby while the 2 year old is climbing on your shoulders. It's watching A Bug's Life 6 times a day (forget trying to watch Grey's Anatomy unless you want to hear screaming). It's using the bathroom with the baby screaming from his swing while the 2 year old stands, yes I said stands, in your lap. These are the things that make being a SAHM so incredibly draining. And all that nonsense about having a clean house and healthy dinners on the table every night? I've yet to get there...and I'm not sure I ever will.

And then there's the dad element to it all. It's an entirely new family dynamic that takes some getting used to and expectations need to be discussed. If dad is expecting a home cooked meal on the table every night promptly at 6:00 then he will be disappointed for sure. If you expect to hand the kids over to dad as he walks in the door and spend the rest of the night soaking in the tub because it's "his turn" then you will create a resentful husband. Don't forget he needs a break too. There's a balance that will make everyone feel appreciated and allow for some "me" time for you both. Give it time and communicate about how it's going and what needs to change. It may be even more important now to spend time together alone, even if it's just a 10 minute conversation before bed. And if hubby ever asks what you do all day, let him keep the kids for a few hours and he'll be singing a different tune!

I feel incredibly blessed to be home with my children everyday and I know a lot of moms who wish they were in my place and I'm definitely not asking for pity. It's more about understanding why people say that the SAHM has the hardest job of all. Children are hard. Period. 

- Elizabeth -